Mona and I just started a new Dungeons & Dragons group. Mona’s done it a couple times before, but this is my first D&D campaign! I’ve always been sortof… culture adjacent, so I figured I’d mostly understand what was happening.

Ben’s first roll of the campaign is in the high teens. With his modifiers, it is well over 20 and the damage is hovering at about the same. “Welp,” Ben’s best friend Jensie, the DM, says. “You cut that goblin clean in half.”

“Hey, that’s a good sign!” Ben says back. “I bet the rest of the campaign is going to go great.”

Ron Howard sits in a studio far away in California. He clears his throat and tries to remember the tone of voice he used as the narrator of Arrested Development. He finds the memory, takes a sip of water, and leans toward the pop filter attached to the microphone in front of him.

It didn’t.”

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